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Band 5.5CEFR B2263 words

More and more people today are becoming overly dependent on the internet and phones. Is this a positive or negative development?

The essay addresses the prompt with a clear position and explores both positive and negative aspects of internet and phone dependency. However, development is uneven, with some ...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

More and more people today are becoming overly dependent on the internet and phones. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

Nowadays, the web reaches its limbs to every nook and cranny of the globe. Furthermore, the utilization of sophisticated technologies like smartphones and computers is growing day by day, and individuals are becoming more acquainted with these devices. The following paragraphs contain a detailed study of this school of thought.

On the one hand, the internet connects people globally. In the modern era, folks relocate to better careers far away from their loved ones, but with the use of different types of social applications, they can easily connect with their near and dear. Additionally, the Internet modernized the way pupils study, and students learn across the border more efficiently. Moreover, Wikipedia is the best example of this technology for students. Students learn new skills from the internet. People can buy many things from online shopping stores, saving precious time and money.

On the other hand, the internet also has a few demerits. People use this technology unlimitedly and causing mental disorders; they live imaginary lives and are far away from their personal relationships. Especially teenagers often use these devices unnecessarily, like couch potatoes. The young generation plays many types of games, like PAPG, Call of Duty, etc. When children are involved in the latest types of games with uncertain limits, they destroy their future.

To conclude, the internet has more benefits than pitfalls. The internet gives people ample time and many ways to learn easily and efficiently from all over the world. People can work globally from their homes. However, it is quite dangerous for teenagers because they involve themselves in risky stages.

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 5.5

CEFR B2 · High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses the prompt with a clear position and explores both positive and negative aspects of internet and phone dependency. However, development is uneven, with some body paragraphs containing loose assertions rather than fully elaborated ideas. Grammatical control is mixed, featuring run-on coordination, comma splices, and tense shifts, while vocabulary is a mix of simple phrasing and occasional academic collocations.

Scoring criteria

Task Response 6.0

Strengths

  • A clear position is established in the introduction and maintained throughout the body paragraphs.
  • Both positive and negative developments are discussed, satisfying the requirements of a balanced viewpoint.

Weaknesses

  • Some arguments, particularly regarding education and shopping, are presented as brief assertions without deep extension.
  • Generalizations about teenagers and gaming lack nuanced qualification.

The writer addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear stance, but idea extension is limited by brief assertions and insufficient examples, placing task response at Band 6.0.

Coherence & Cohesion 5.5

Strengths

  • Basic paragraph structure is present with clear 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' signposting.
  • Overall progression of ideas is traceable from introduction to conclusion.

Weaknesses

  • Body paragraph 2 relies on a rapid succession of short, disconnected sentences ('Additionally, the Internet modernized... Moreover, Wikipedia is... Students learn... People can buy...').
  • Cohesive devices are sometimes mechanical or formulaic.

While information is organized with an overall progression, the lack of smooth transitions between sentences and reliance on repetitive list-like statements restricts cohesion to Band 5.5.

Lexical Resource 6.0

Strengths

  • Appropriate topic-specific vocabulary such as 'sophisticated technologies', 'social applications', and 'mental disorders' is used.
  • Attempts to incorporate varied lexis throughout the text.

Weaknesses

  • Repetition of common words like 'internet', 'people', and 'students'.
  • Informal or awkward phrasing such as 'reaches its limbs' and 'unlimitedly'.

The writer demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for task communication, including some less common lexical items, but occasional innacuracies and repetition keep the score at 6.0.

Grammar Range & Accuracy 5.5

Strengths

  • Demonstrates control over simple sentence structures and some compound sentences.
  • Attempts complex structures such as subordinate clauses ('When children are involved...').

Weaknesses

  • Frequent sentence boundary errors, including comma splices and run-on clauses ('People use this technology unlimitedly and causing mental disorders...').
  • Inconsistent verb forms and awkward phrasing in complex structures.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but frequent grammatical errors and punctuation lapses reduce clarity, warranting a Band 5.5.

Writing stats

Words
263
Paragraphs
4
Grammar issues
4
Lexical suggestions
3
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