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Band 6.5CEFR B2383 words

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The essay presents a clear and well-developed opinion with relevant arguments throughout, though some supporting examples remain somewhat general. Cohesion is managed effectivel...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

Certain people are under the impression that scientific subjects ought to get a majority of the budget allotted to schools by the government. I strongly disagree, as I feel that all paths students wish to pursue need to be equally promoted. This can only be accomplished by applying comparable spending to all facets of learning involved in school education.

Firstly, if the sciences receive more funding, it will create unequal opportunities for those who would not wish to not pursue careers in their related fields. Many students do not need to take sciences in order to continue their preferred career path, but would still be impacted by this choice. For example, if a student is keen on the arts, but takes no scientific subjects, they will get worse supplies to pursue their passion. Thus, this produces an unequal environment, placing students pursuing science at an advantage compared to their peers. Moreover, this inequality may discourage students from pursuing what they truly desire. In order to receive the benefits of the larger budgets these subjects use, students may not take disciplines they are more interested in. For instance, if a student is interested in becoming an athlete, but their institution neglects sport, they might choose to take the overfunded chemistry course, despite not having any affinity towards chemistry. This is unfair for students who do not desire to follow such paths, or who may be incorrectly encouraged to take them.

The sciences are more demanding than other courses in terms of expenditure. Chemistry, biology and physics all require costly lab equipment to be purchased and used. Without this equipment, these disciplines would not be taught effectively. A common occurrence of this is seen in the subject of chemistry, where students need to use titration equipment in order to make calculations and solve chemical equations. At the same time, I think that this fact should not be used to underfund other programmes, as they too have important expenditures.

In conclusion, the expensive equipment used in science makes it seem like spending should be focused on these areas of schooling. However, I believe that, despite this fact, we must make conscious efforts to attain high quality in all areas of schooling, in order to not discourage pupils from pursuing the careers they are most passionate about.

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 6.5

CEFR B2 · High

Assessment summary

The essay presents a clear and well-developed opinion with relevant arguments throughout, though some supporting examples remain somewhat general. Cohesion is managed effectively, and vocabulary is generally appropriate with some good academic phrasing, despite occasional repetitive vocabulary items. Grammatical control is fairly solid with a good mix of complex sentences, though some minor errors and clumsy phrasing appear.

Scoring criteria

Task Response 7.0

Strengths

  • Establishes a clear, definite position in the introduction that is maintained throughout the essay.
  • Addresses both the argument for science funding and the counterargument regarding equipment costs.

Weaknesses

  • Some examples, such as the athlete illustration, rely on general hypothetical assertions rather than deep empirical specifics.

The prompt is fully addressed with a consistent position and relevant ideas, though idea extension could be more rigorous in the second body paragraph.

Coherence & Cohesion 7.0

Strengths

  • Clear overall progression from introduction to body paragraphs and conclusion.
  • Logical paragraph topics with effective use of cohesive devices like 'Firstly' and 'Moreover'.

Weaknesses

  • Occasional reliance on standard sequential transition words rather than fully integrated structural links.

The essay is easy to follow with a clear logical structure and appropriate paragraphing.

Lexical Resource 6.5

Strengths

  • Incorporates appropriate academic vocabulary and topic-specific terms like 'expenditure', 'inequality', and 'titration equipment'.
  • Uses precise verbs and nouns to convey stance effectively.

Weaknesses

  • Some minor word choice infelicities occur, such as 'worse supplies' instead of 'inferior resources' or 'less adequate equipment'.

Vocabulary is sufficient to allow flexible discussion with some precise terms, but occasional less natural collocations prevent a higher band.

Grammar Range & Accuracy 6.5

Strengths

  • Demonstrates a good variety of complex structures including conditional clauses and relative clauses.
  • Sentence boundaries are generally well controlled.

Weaknesses

  • Contains a double negative error ('would not wish to not pursue') and minor punctuation lapses.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with generally good control, though isolated grammatical errors persist.

Writing stats

Words
383
Paragraphs
4
Grammar issues
1
Lexical suggestions
4
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