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Band 6.0CEFR B2290 words

The world today is a safer place and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The essay presents a clear position agreeing with the prompt and supports it with relevant arguments concerning modern digital threats and historical changes. However, it suffer...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

The world today is a safer place and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

The present condition of the world could be regarded less perilous compared to a hundred years ago, and the government should spend less funds on the military. In this case, I would like to concur with the statement. There are several reasons why I concur which I will explore in this essay.

Firstly, the condition of the world is completely different from a century ago. A hundred years ago there might have been a lot of conflicts going on, especially in the 1930s up until the 1940s when there was a world war. Under the risk of an insurgence might occur any time of day, having sufficient armed forces to protect one's country is a necessity. But nowadays I would argue there are only a small amount of insurgence is happening, therefore buying a massive amount of offensive and defensive products is not necessarily the best choice.

Secondly, the issue has evolved into a digital threat. It is clear that technology has been more advanced than it ever has at the present moment. Accordingly, the hazard has also shifted from physical to digital. It is uncommon to see on the news a data breach or a data leakage, and those are two examples of danger that should be addressed immediately. Putting a lot of money and effort into increasing the nation's digital security is an urgent matter in my opinion as the data contains a humongous number of personal information that could harm plenty of people if it is used inappropriately.

In summary, it is unnecessary to allocate a huge amount of budget for physical artillery and it is wise to use it more on improving digital security as the kind of threat has also changed in the past century.

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 6.0

CEFR B2 · High

Assessment summary

The essay presents a clear position agreeing with the prompt and supports it with relevant arguments concerning modern digital threats and historical changes. However, it suffers from repetitive phrasing, limited lexical range in places, and noticeable grammatical errors, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and prepositional use. Cohesion is generally adequate, but transitions can be formulaic.

Scoring criteria

Task Response 6.5

Strengths

  • The writer maintains a clear stance throughout the essay agreeing that military spending should be reduced.
  • The arguments put forward regarding the shift from physical to digital threats are relevant and logically extended.

Weaknesses

  • Some supporting points rely on slightly generalized assertions rather than deeper empirical evidence.
  • The conclusion could summarize the main points more robustly.

The prompt is fully addressed with a clear position and developed main ideas, satisfying the requirements for Band 6.5.

Coherence & Cohesion 6.0

Strengths

  • Paragraphs are clearly delineated with distinct topic markers such as 'Firstly' and 'Secondly'.
  • The overarching progression from historical comparison to digital threats is easy to follow.

Weaknesses

  • The introduction is somewhat repetitive and formulaic in stating agreement.
  • Some cohesive devices are slightly mechanical.

The essay presents information with a clear overall progression, though paragraph internal cohesion and referencing could be smoother.

Lexical Resource 6.0

Strengths

  • Appropriate use of some topic vocabulary such as 'insurgence', 'digital threat', and 'data breach'.
  • Attempts to use academic phrasing like 'allocate a huge amount of budget'.

Weaknesses

  • Repetition of basic verbs and evaluative words such as 'a lot of' and 'thing/products'.
  • Collocational inaccuracies such as 'spend less funds' instead of 'spend less money' or 'allocate fewer funds'.

Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but lacks consistent precision and stylistic sophistication, placing it firmly at Band 6.0.

Grammar Range & Accuracy 5.5

Strengths

  • Demonstrates control over simple and some complex structures, such as conditional and temporal clauses.
  • Sentences are generally readable despite recurring grammatical slips.

Weaknesses

  • Grammatical errors occur frequently, including subject-verb agreement mismatches ('a small amount of insurgence is happening') and awkward clause structures ('Under the risk of an insurgence might occur').
  • Inconsistent handling of articles and countable/uncountable noun pairings.

Errors in grammar and sentence structure are noticeable and recurrent, preventing a higher band score under the grammar criteria.

Writing stats

Words
290
Paragraphs
4
Grammar issues
4
Lexical suggestions
5
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